{"id":576,"date":"2016-11-15T18:54:00","date_gmt":"2016-11-15T18:54:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/katrina.effexhost.com\/index.php\/2016\/11\/15\/the-price-of-sexual-harassment\/"},"modified":"2025-01-09T03:00:08","modified_gmt":"2025-01-09T03:00:08","slug":"the-price-of-sexual-harassment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/2016\/11\/15\/the-price-of-sexual-harassment\/","title":{"rendered":"The Price of Sexual Harassment…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n\n
<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
This is the photo that started it all. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
\nSometimes something happens and it takes a while before you
\nsee the ripples that it\u2019s caused. This morning, I posted a picture that was
\ntaken at a photo shoot that I did about 4 years. Less than an hour after I
\nposted it, this conversation happened. <\/o:p><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nJ : I remember playing with those when they were new. Lol How
\nhave you been?<\/o:p><\/div>\n
\nMe: Playing with what when they were new?<\/o:p><\/div>\n
\nJ: Your boobs.<\/o:p><\/div>\n
\nMe: omg\u2026seriously?<\/o:p><\/div>\n
\nJ: Um, yup.<\/o:p><\/div>\n
\nMe: Well, I\u2019m just fine and it\u2019s good to see you\u2019re just as
\nmuch of a pig now as you were during that one week mistake.<\/o:p><\/div>\n
\nJ: If that makes you feel better about putting your cleavage
\non public display. It was an off-hand comment and not meant to offend. I
\napologize if it made you self-conscious. You look lovely as ever and I hope you\u2019re
\nenjoying life at this stage. Good luck.<\/o:p><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nLess than an hour and a man that hasn\u2019t spoken to me in 20+
\nyears opened up a conversation with me like that and then went on to try to
\nshame me into posting a photo that showed me feeling beautiful, a feeling that
\nI\u2019ve struggled my entire life to capture. 
\n<\/o:p><\/div>\n
\nI was angry and felt violated. He had tried to take
\nsomething from me that had been so hard for me to achieve.  Yet, at the same time, as I read over this
\nconversation for the hundredth time, there is a part of me that is whispering
\nthat I over reacted..was what he said really that bad? Maybe it was really just
\na joke? <\/o:p><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nYou see, as a woman, to some extent, I\u2019ve been trained to
\nturn a blind eye to this kind of behavior. After all, boys will be boys, right?
\nNobody said anything to the friend of my mother\u2019s who used to grab me and pull
\nme close to him. Nobody said anything to her boyfriend that used to touch me in
\nways that made me uncomfortable. Nobody said anything to the man at the
\nconvention who walked around me taking pictures of my boobs because they were \u201con
\ndisplay for the public\u201d in a corset. <\/o:p><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nExcept, this kind of behavior isn\u2019t okay no more than it
\nwould be okay if I walked up to a former classmate after 20 years and grabbed
\nhis crotch. That wouldn\u2019t be okay. It would be me violating him and this
\nmorning, this \u201cman\u201d violated me with his words. He made me feel like an object,
\nor in this case, a pair of objects. He made me feel dirty and I had done nothing
\nwrong. This is not okay.<\/o:p><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nWhat he doesn\u2019t know is that I\u2019ve spent most of my life
\nfeeling like I was ugly, that I wasn\u2019t worthy of affection or love. He doesn\u2019t
\nknow that it took me months to build up the courage to agree to do that photo
\nshoot. He doesn\u2019t know that the night that I did it, I had been on my feet for
\nover 24 hours, had an awful sunburn, and felt like I would be made fun of if
\nthose pictures were ever seen.  He doesn\u2019t
\nknow that it took every ounce of courage I had to walk into that hotel room or
\nhow hard my friend probably had to work to make me smile and laugh. He doesn\u2019t
\nknow the insecurities I dealt with while I waited for those photos to come back
\nand how every day that they didn\u2019t, I was sure that it was because I was too
\nhideous and that there wasn\u2019t even a single good one in the batch. He doesn\u2019t
\nknow the terror I felt when I posted just a few of those photos to Facebook
\nbecause I was sure that nobody would like them and that I would be ridiculed. <\/o:p><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nHe doesn\u2019t know about the friend of my mother\u2019s, her
\nboyfriend, or the random con guy. He doesn\u2019t know that I stopped running in
\nhigh school because some \u201cman\u201d made a comment about how my boobs bounced when I
\nchased after my younger brother on the playground. He doesn\u2019t know that while I
\nput on weight for medical reasons, there were years that I didn\u2019t try to take
\nit back off because I had an ex-husband who never noticed if I made an effort
\nand that deep down I\u2019m afraid that if I do take it off, I still won\u2019t be
\nbeautiful or god forbid, I may shrink but my boobs won\u2019t and that will open me
\nup to even more comments about them.<\/o:p><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nHe doesn\u2019t know that my doctor has recommended breast
\nreduction surgery and while I want to do it, I\u2019m afraid to because it feels
\nsometimes as if my boobs are the only attractive things about me. Few comment
\non my eyes or my mouth or anything like that. He doesn\u2019t know any of these
\nthings because instead of talking to me, instead of having a real conversation about
\nme, he opened up with how he once played with my boobs when we were teenagers.<\/o:p><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nHe forgets that after that incident, I ended any contact
\nwith him. He made me uncomfortable at the age of 14 and today shows that he\u2019s
\nstill incredibly capable of it. So, did I over react? No. What he did isn\u2019t
\nacceptable behavior and it\u2019s behavior that sadly is far too common. <\/o:p><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nAs it was happening, I shared it with a male friend of mine
\nand he responded that I\u2019m lucky that it doesn\u2019t happen more often, that certain
\nfemale friends of his get things like this every time that they post a picture.
\nIt makes me incredibly sad that this goes on every single day, a million times
\na day, and there are people who just brush it off. Please let me make something
\nclear. My friend didn\u2019t brush it off. However, far too many people do.  Far too many shrug it off and say oh, he was
\njust joking or don\u2019t be so sensitive. There are those who say well you asked
\nfor it because of the type of photo it was. <\/o:p><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\n<\/a>Let me make this clear. It is never okay to sexually harass
\nanother individual. I don\u2019t care if they\u2019re <\/o:p>
\nstanding nude on your front porch
\n(though if they are and it\u2019s not someone you know in a bizarre joke, you should
\nprobably not answer the door and just call the police), it isn\u2019t okay. It is
\nnever okay to take away someone\u2019s safe place. That\u2019s what happened to me. In
\none short message, I no longer felt safe in a place that was my own. In one
\nshort message, I was taken back to all the other times when something like this
\nhappened and nobody did a thing.<\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nSo, I did a thing. I called him a pig and unfriended him. I
\nposted a long post to my Facebook account about the incident, where I didn\u2019t
\nname any names or point a finger at him. Who did it didn\u2019t matter. What
\nmattered is that it happened and that it never should have. I told one person
\nin private who it was because they asked. If others ask, I\u2019ll tell them as
\nwell. Nobody needs a predator in their backyard. I could have done more. I
\ncould have reported him. I could have pm\u2019d the 125 mutual friends that we have,
\nall of which graduated from the same high school as us. I didn\u2019t. Why?
\nHonestly, it wouldn\u2019t have made a difference. 
\nI removed him from my world and that\u2019s what I needed to do. It wasn\u2019t a
\nhard decision.<\/o:p><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nWriting the post wasn\u2019t either. I needed people to know what
\nhad happened, to understand how it affected me. One short message will affect
\nme not just in those moments but for perhaps days to come. I should be writing
\na book right now and instead, I\u2019m writing this because I need to get some of
\nthis out of my head so that I can move on. I\u2019m writing this because maybe I\u2019ll
\nhave the courage to share it and maybe, just maybe it will cause someone to
\nstop and think before they harass someone else. I know that some people just
\ndon\u2019t understand that something like this isn\u2019t something women just brush off
\nand go about their day. If it hasn\u2019t happened to you, it can be hard to
\nunderstand. The problem is that this kind of thing started happening to a lot
\nof us before we were even in high school. I spoke with a friend of mine today
\nwho talked about how she was groped around the age of 14. I had a boy try to
\nrape me when I was about 13. I had comments about my breasts before I graduated
\nfrom high school. This isn\u2019t a new thing and it certainly hasn\u2019t let up. <\/o:p><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nSo I have some favors to ask of you\u2026<\/o:p><\/p>\n

1)Parents, teach your sons that this isn\u2019t okay. It isn\u2019t okay to treat a woman like an object or to talk to them the way that I was spoken to today.  I use a simple example with my sons and it\u2019s one that I mentioned earlier. I ask them how they would feel if a random person came up and grabbed their crotch. Neither of them liked the idea.<\/p>\n

Your sons should be just as appalled that someone would grope a woman\u2019s boob as they are at the idea of someone randomly grabbing their crotch. Men, your sons mirror your actions. So, be the man that you want your sons to be.<\/p>\n

For those of you with girls, teach them that this isn\u2019t okay and it is okay to stand up for themselves and for their friends. Heck, boys ought to be taught the same thing. Stand up for your friends, female or male. Stand up for yourself. Nobody stood up for me when I was younger. Today, I stood up for myself but that hasn\u2019t always been the case.<\/p>\n

2)This follows right up on that last paragraph and this goes for everyone. Looks aren\u2019t everything. Boobs aren\u2019t everything. Muscles aren\u2019t everything. There is a heck of a lot to a person. Don\u2019t hyper-focus on one aspect of a person. I have someone special in my life who reminds me that I am the 3 B\u2019s: I\u2019m beautiful. I\u2019m brilliant. I\u2019m brave. It\u2019s not just about the outside. Sure, the man thinks I\u2019m beautiful on the outside, but he loves my spirit, my soul, my sense of humor. He loves me\u2026and the beautiful portion of those 3 B\u2019s covers all of those things.<\/p>\n

3)If you see this happening, don\u2019t just stand there and watch. I don\u2019t care if it\u2019s happening to a total stranger. Step in. Speak up. Let the person know that what they\u2019re doing is not okay. Let the person that it\u2019s happening to that they\u2019re safe. Be someone\u2019s safe place if they need it. I opened this whole thing with a comment about ripples. One short message can cause ripples that none of us see until they\u2019re there. I expected to take a few deep breathes, remove the guy, and move on with my day. Instead, nearly 2000 words later, I\u2019m here writing this.<\/p>\n

If this happens to someone you know, don\u2019t be afraid to check in on them. Make sure they\u2019re okay. I just had a friend call me and say hey, I\u2019ve got your back. Let me know what you need from me. That\u2019s a treasure worth more than gold.<\/p>\n

4)Get angry. This kind of thing isn\u2019t okay. It\u2019s never okay to objectify someone or to make someone feel like they\u2019re not a person. Every single person on this planet deserves to be treated respect. So, get angry with those who don\u2019t treat you and others the way they ought to be treated.<\/p>\n

5)Be the solution. Yep. I\u2019m asking you not to be part of the problem. Anyone remember \u201cMan in the Mirror\u201d by Michael Jackson? Change starts from within. It starts from within every single one of us and so that\u2019s how I\u2019m going to close this whole thing out. I\u2019m going to ask each and every one of you to be the change that we all need to see in this world.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\"Photobucket\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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This is the photo that started it all.  Sometimes something happens and it takes a while before you see the ripples that it\u2019s caused. This morning, I posted a picture…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-576","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/576","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=576"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/576\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2181,"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/576\/revisions\/2181"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=576"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=576"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=576"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}