{"id":1110,"date":"2012-07-25T17:07:00","date_gmt":"2012-07-25T17:07:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/katrina.effexhost.com\/index.php\/2012\/07\/25\/story-time-letter-to-a-lost-love\/"},"modified":"2012-07-25T17:07:00","modified_gmt":"2012-07-25T17:07:00","slug":"story-time-letter-to-a-lost-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/2012\/07\/25\/story-time-letter-to-a-lost-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Story Time: Letter to a Lost Love"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

\nSometimes, when I’m driving, I pass this tree. I call it the
\nshoe tree because over the years, people have tied their shoes together and
\ntossed them up into it. They say that people do that to signify the end of one
\nthing and the beginning of another. For me, it was the beginning of us. It is
\nthe precise place that I was the first time that you texted me. I remember it
\nlike it was yesterday. I glanced down at my phone, surprised to see your name
\nthere. You had never texted or called me, even though we had exchanged numbers.
\nI wanted to text you back, to answer the very serious question that you had
\nasked me but there just wasn’t any way to do it while driving. I suggested that
\nyou call, but you never did. Yet somehow, it was still the start of us. <\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nI will never forget sitting in a hotel lobby, your texts
\nkeeping me company as we joked about how quickly we had climbed from zero to
\nover a thousand and counting. You said we would do something to celebrate it as
\nsoon as we were together. It was such a silly thing to celebrate but silly was
\nso much a part of us, that it just seemed right. <\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nWe never did celebrate that achievement. Instead, us meeting
\ntook us to entirely different levels. It was amazing and somehow, it just felt
\nright. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. The truth is, I’ve never
\nexperienced anything like us before. I’ve never had that sense of intimacy and
\nbelonging with anyone. I’ve never had that feeling of total acceptance, love
\nand joy. We had that together and it was the most glorious thing I have ever
\nexperienced.<\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nI will never forget that feeling. Even though I know that I
\nwill never experience it again, I will never forget it. I will hold it in my
\nheart, even when it threatens to tear me apart. Experiences like that change a
\nperson’s life and you changed mine. Sometimes, when I think back on what we had
\ntogether, it’s like my heart is being torn apart. No, not torn apart. It’s like
\nthe memory has exploded into shards of metal that are forcing their way from
\nthe inside out. Yet still, I will never let go of how we were together and how
\nyou made me feel. <\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nWith you, I always felt beautiful. You showed me joy. You
\nshowed me what it was like to totally relax and “just be” with
\nsomeone. We were silly and we were serious. 
\nWe would talk for entire days and it feel like mere minutes had passed. I
\nwas your smile and you were my strength. Together, we were an incredible team.
\nPeople said we lit up the room when we were together. We made others smile with
\nour love and infectious laughter. <\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nThen suddenly, everything changed. The phone calls stopped.
\nThe affection stopped. You suddenly shut me out of your life. Suddenly, I went
\nfrom being your best friend, lover and confidant to being nobody. I’ve spent
\nweeks, nearly months now trying to figure out what I did wrong. I’ve spent so
\nmany hours crying that perhaps it’s gone into days now. <\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nSometimes late at night, I dream of you. When I close my
\neyes, I pray that I won’t but always, there you are. You’re just as you were
\nwhen we first met. My hand still fits perfectly in yours and your voice still
\nwhispers the words that helped me to fall in love with you. My knowing mind
\nrebels, trying to force me from my sleep but you hold me there. I’m bound by
\nwhat we once were, forced to live out the dreams of what we could have been. <\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nI wonder if you ever dream of me or if I’m not even worthy
\nof the memory of what we were.  Sometimes
\nI wish that I could forget. I sit and wonder what my life would be like now if
\nwe had never met; if you had never sent that text. Would I be a stronger
\nperson? Of course, there’s no way of knowing. 
\nDeep down, I know that I would never wipe away those memories if given
\nthe option. You showed me what it was like to live again. You showed me that
\nreal love can exist.  <\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nI should go though. I know that while you’ve promised in the
\npast to always read what I write, this letter is best meant for the trash can.
\nFor you to read it would be me opening myself up to even more pain. I don’t
\nknow why you don’t love me anymore, but reliving it with this letter won’t
\nhelp. The truth is, I don’t think that I will ever fully heal from this.
\nSomeday, I will hear that you’ve found someone new and that you’re in love.
\nWhen that day comes, I know that my heart, no matter how healed will shatter
\ninto a million pieces. Until then, it will have a hole where your love used to
\nlive. <\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nMy love…the love that I have lost, I have but one wish for
\nyou. It is not for pain or even that someday you look back and see what so many
\nothers saw when they saw us. It is just for love. I hope that someday you love
\nyourself enough to see how amazing you really can be. I hope that you find
\nsomeone who loves you as much as I did and as much as I always will. You have
\ngreat capacity for love and I hope that someday you use it for good and not as
\nsomething to dangle in front of others and then snatch back when you realize
\nyou’re becoming emotionally invested. <\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nFor now though, I leave you to live your life. There is no
\nlonger an us. We are again two lonely, heart hurting individuals who must now
\njourney through life apart.  For me,
\nthough, I realize that I no longer wish to carry on alone. So, this is my goodbye.
\nThis is my final letter, my final song. Tonight, when the stars are out, I will
\ndo what I once told you that I longed to do. I will join the stars. I know I
\nsaid someday my heart will shatter, but I realize now that it already has and I
\ncannot put it back together. <\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nYou asked me not so long ago if I thought we could
\nbe close again. The truth is no. For that to happen, you would have to want it.
\nYour actions scream that you don’t. You’ve moved on and forgotten me and
\nforgotten us. I am a nobody to you and so tonight, I will join the stars in
\ntheir nightly vigil. I will fly high into the sky and watch over you until
\nsomeone else comes along who can take care of you and love you. When that day
\ncomes, I will fall from the sky and be gone forever. <\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nSo, goodbye my love. Goodbye, the one person who I gave my
\neverything to. You will never understand just how special that was. You were
\nthe one and only person in my entire life that I opened all the way up for and
\nwho I gave all of myself to. Tonight, I take back what I can. I take back my
\nlife the only way I know how. <\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nGoodbye my lover, my best friend, my everything…and
\nremember..tonight, when you glance up at the stars, remember that there is a
\nnew one there and maybe think of me.<\/div>\n
\nYours in life and in spirit.<\/div>\n

K<\/span><\/p>\n

\n*This has been cross posted to Straight Sex Talk<\/a>. Please note that it is an adult site, not meant for children or those who can’t handle that topic.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

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Sometimes, when I’m driving, I pass this tree. I call it the shoe tree because over the years, people have tied their shoes together and tossed them up into it….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[28],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1110","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-writing"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1110","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1110"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1110\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1110"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1110"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifewithkatie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1110"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}